


Left Out

by Bassarid



Series: Inseparable [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pining, Polyamory, Wet Dream, eventual poly relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-03 10:27:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10242617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bassarid/pseuds/Bassarid
Summary: After walking in on Guang Hong and Leo kissing, Phichit has a lot of complicated feelings he has to come to terms with. And so do Guang and Leo. Rated M to be on the safe side.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I hate having to come up with titles... anyway, I hope someone enjoys this rarep... rareot3 as much as I do.

He hadn't meant to barge in on them. He hadn't known there was anything to barge in on, after all. And Phichit had never bothered to knock on Ji's hotel room door before, it would never have occurred to him.

  
And so he'd stumbled upon Guang Hong, tightly wrapped in Leo's arms, kissing, breaking apart flushed and disheveled to stare at him in shock.  
  
“Phichit...”  
  
“You really shouldn't keep your door open when you're doing stuff like that. Could have been anyone.”  
  
He sounded normal enough, considering that his brain was mostly white noise and he felt like someone had hit him with something very heavy.  
  
“I should leave you alone.”  
  
“Phichit, wait!”  
  
But he'd already run off, slamming the door behind him, not caring where he was going.

 

* * *

  
<say something, pls>  
  
<ur not going to tell anyone, right?>

Phichit stared at the messages.

<of course not!> he typed angrily, affronted by the insinuation. Alright, he posted a lot on social media, and on occasion he might not have taken his friends' boundaries serious enough, but not when it came to something like this.  
  
<why didnt u tell me?>

<scared? Idk, we just wanted to keep it quiet. Don't hate me.>

Phichit let himself fall back onto the hotel room bed, staring at the message.  
  
<i couldnt hate you>

 

* * *

  
It had been a trying day. Practice had been a disaster. For Guang more than for him, but he got caught up in his boyfriend's frustration.  
  
“Talk to me, babe.”  
  
Guang Hong sighed, then looked up at him.  
  
“It's Phichit.”  
  
Leo just nodded. Things had been awkward since Phichit had walked in on them kissing. Truth be told, he hadn't expected Phichit of all people to react like this.  
  
“Did he say anything?”  
  
Guang let himself drop onto Leo's bed, staring at the ceiling.  
  
“He hasn't really said anything. That he doesn't mind and won't tell anyone, but he keeps avoiding me. I wish he would just tell me what he's thinking, then I could... react. I miss him. It's stupid. It hurts. I'm not used to not getting a million random text messages a day. He hasn't even posted a selfie today. I don't want him to hate me.”  
  
Leo sat down next to him and pulled Guang Hong close.  
  
“I'm sorry.” He kissed his boyfriend's temple. “I didn't think he of all people would be bothered, though.”  
  
“You never know, do you? But if my best friend won't be my best friend anymore because I'm kissing boys, then I can do without that friend.”  
  
There it was, that look Guang Hong sometimes had about him. Unexpectedly hard and determined, especially coming from someone so cute. Leo loved it, loved everything about him, anyway, but that look was something special.  
  
“Boys? Like more than one?” he asked a moment later, frowning.  
  
“Idiot.” Guang Hong hit him with a pillow. “Theoretical boys. Only one boy in practice.”

He'd always liked Phichit, too, even though they hadn't had the opportunity to spend much time together. Guang had dragged him to Detroit in the off-season, and they'd had fun together, Phichit showing them around and having them take dozens of selfies together. It was nice to have him around, he was sweet and funny and easy-going.  
  
But Leo had watched him these past few days and he wasn't just avoiding Guang Hong and him. He looked miserable. Guang had tried to talk to him a few times, but his attempts had always been met with the same perfunctory smile and formal words.  
  
Guang wasn't his first boyfriend, though Leo had never been this serious about a relationship. But he'd definitely had his share of homophobes and bullying during earlier relationships. Phichit's behaviour didn't fit. Something was off. Perhaps he felt that he was losing his friend to Leo?  
  
Whatever it was, it needed talking about.  
  


* * *

 

Phichit didn't know how to feel, what to do. Tried not to think, which proved impossible.  
  
All he knew was that he hurt every time he saw Ji. Or Leo. Or the two of them together.  
  
He missed them. Missed sending dozens of links a day to Guang, memes and shitposts, pictures of cute and funny things that had made him think of him. And his reaction, all emoji, sometimes just a voice message of him laughing. Missed all the songs Leo usually showed him, all of them dramatic and show-tuney, with a simple 'made me think of you' as caption.  
  
He fucking missed them and he didn't know why it bothered him so much that they were a couple, but it did. And he'd see them at the Four Continents, and would probably still be missing them, because he just couldn't stomach the idea of facing the two of them together.  
  


“Hey you.”  
  
Phichit held on to Yuuri a little longer than strictly necessary, but his friend didn't seem to mind.  
  
“Do you want to talk about it?”  
  
“It's nothing,” Phichit muttered against Yuuri's shoulder.  
  
“Come on, don't lie to me. Ciao Ciao is worried, and even Leo asked me to talk to you.”  
  
At the mention of the name, Phichit let go and stepped back, guilt rising like bile inside him. He had stifled all Leo's attempts to talk to him in the last few weeks, so many messages ignored or else replied to in the vaguest way possible, so many calls he hadn't taken.  
  
“I don't...”  
  
“Phichit. _I_ am worried. You look miserable. You're hardly posting anything anymore. What happened?”  
  
“It's stupid, I... what did Leo tell you?”  
  
Yuuri looked around in the hotel lobby.  
  
“Want to go somewhere more private?”  
  
“Sure.” He looked around, too. “Where's Viktor, anyway?”  
  
“Pool. He wanted me to come, but hardly sulked when I said I was meeting you.”  
  
Phichit smiled a little at that. It was good to see Yuuri happy, even relaxed, and before a competition to boot. Viktor had done wonders for his self-esteem.  
  
And if Viktor ever hurt Yuuri, Phichit would hurt him.  
  
They found a cute café near the hotel, and Phichit, after a moment's hesitation, took out his phone and had Yuuri pose with him.  
  
Taipei was charming as always, warm even in February, but he still didn't feel like sightseeing much.  
  
“So,” Phichit said, over iced coffee that was nowhere near sweet enough, “what did Leo tell you?”

Yuuri adjusted his glasses briefly, looking slightly embarrassed.  
  
“That you've been cold-shouldering them since you caught them making out.”  
  
Phichit grimaced.  
  
“Apparently Guang Hong thinks you have a problem with them being gay, but Leo thinks you're hurting because your best friend's being taken away from you.”  
  
“What? How can Guang think that? I mean,” He motioned between the two of them, nearly knocking over his glass, “We're friends, and I'm freaking out over your engagement to Viktor!”  
  
“Well, maybe you could talk to him and tell him? What about Leo's suggestion? Do you think he's taking away your best friend?”  
  
“You're my best friend. Ji is...” Phichit frowned. “He's a good friend,” he finished lamely. “And I'm not... not jealous. But it hurts to see them together, I can't help it. Maybe I'm just feeling lonely. It's like... I do like both of them a lot, but I'd just feel like a third wheel around them now.”  
  
Yuuri sighed and patted his arm.  
  
“They're worried and they miss you. At least talk to them. They want you around. Though I can imagine it's weird when your friends become lovers.”  
  
“Hm.”   
  
“They'll both arrive tomorrow. You ought to talk to them before the short program - no skating troubled.”  
  
Phichit gave him a smile he didn't feel.  
  
“I guess you're right.”  
  
“I am. Come on, let's have a look at the city. We'll be taking some selfies.”  
  
Phichit laughed. If notoriously camera- and sns-shy Yuuri Katsuki asked to take selfies with him, there was no way he could decline.  
  


* * *

  
He knew at once that it was a dream. He'd had it before. Barging in again on Guang and Leo, the two of them staring at him like – like an intruder. Unwelcome.  
  
But not this time.  
  
This time, Guang Hong turned to him and smiled sweetly.  
  
“Phichit.” He reached out for Phichit, suddenly much nearer than a moment ago, and Phichit let himself be pulled close.  
  
As these things happened in dreams, he suddenly realized he was naked, all of them were. Hands and lips roaming his body, Leo behind him, Guang in his arms. Leo said his name, kissed his neck, hands hard on his hips, burning, his moans swallowed by soft lips.  
  
“We want you, Phichit,” Leo breathed into his ear, and there were hands between his legs, caressing, exploring...  
  
He woke up, breathing like he'd just run a race. Struggled out of his soiled shorts, wiping himself clean with them, before throwing them aside.  
  
“Shia! Shit, shit, shit, shit.”

  
He'd meant to talk to them, after his conversation with Yuuri, but how could he? After that dream?  
  
Phichit wouldn't even be able to look either of them in the eye.  
  
He hadn't had a wet dream in years. And never anything this vivid. If he thought about it, he could still feel them against his skin, and shuddered.  
  
So he avoided Leo and Guang, blushing at their sight, his body still responding in the most inappropriate way to the memory of his dream.  
  
But he already knew that Yuuri wouldn't let it slide.  
  
His stamina on the ice translated into stubbornness off it, he just wouldn't let things go.  
  
Phichit wasn't prepared for the conversation, but then, who else to talk to?  
  
“I know,” he just said, when Yuuri cornered him that evening.  
  
“Why haven't you talked to them, Phichit?”  
  
"It's embarrassing, Yuuri, I... last night I had a dream.”  
  
Yuuri gave him a confused look.  
  
“So?”  
  
“About Guang and Leo,” Phichit pressed out. “And me. Together. It was a wet dream, okay?” His whisper was barely audible, but Yuuri blushed nonetheless.  
  
“Oh. But, I mean, it was a dream, Phichit. It doesn't mean anything, I've had the weirdest...”  
  
Phichit chewed on his lower lip as Yuuri's voice trailed off, apparently not wanting to share any of his weird dreams. Viktor turning into Katsudon, probably.  
  
“It means something to me,” he said softly. “The more I think about it, the clearer it is. I'm neither jealous nor put off, I feel left out. I want to be a part of...” He waved his hand ineffectively. “What they have. And that's not going to happen. So I'm going to leave them alone. Because it's selfish, but it hurts too much.”  
  
Yuuri sighed and pulled him close.  
  
“It's not selfish to be in love, Chuchu.”  
  
Phichit found himself sniffling just a little against Yuuri's shoulder, and Yuuri stroked his back.  
  
“You should still try to talk to them,” Yuuri said mercilessly.  
  
“How? Oh hi, I got off to the thought of you last night, hope this won't make things weird, kthxbai?”  
  
“Maybe you should work on the wording a little.”  
  
Phichit snorted, though it was still rather wet.  
  
“You know you can always talk to me, Chuchu?”  
  
It was a ridiculous nickname, made him sound like a train, but it reminded him of times Yuuri had comforted him when he'd been younger, lonely, far from home.  
  
“I know. Thank you. But please don't ever call me that in front of anyone.”  
  
Yuuri smiled.  
  
“Of course.”

 

His short program was unsurprisingly lukewarm, with him preoccupied and his heart not in it.  
  
He watched the others; Yuuri, who'd become so much calmer under Viktor's coaching, almost a flawless performance, heartfelt, beautiful, especially the step sequences.  
  
JJ, technically perfect as usual. Almost usual.  
  
Seung-Gil, better than at Rostelecom, though nowhere near as good as the other two.  
  
And then Leo. Beautiful and emotive as always, so joyful it made Phichit's heart ache. He could feel Leo's love, encompassing everything – couldn't it include him?  
  
His eyes fell on Guang, watching in rapt attention, mouth agape.  
  
And then, after that, Guang Hong himself, telling a story with every movement, becoming the protagonist of a tale told by his body.  
  
They were both wonderful where he'd been lackluster.

He slunk off after the performances, pretending to be too tired when Yuuri texted and asked if he wanted to have dinner with them.  
  
He just lay in the sweltering darkness of his hotel room, staring at the ceiling, when there was a knock on the door.  
  
“Come on, I know you're in there, Phichit.”  
  
He sat up at once at the sound of Leo's voice, heart racing. Ran his fingers through his hair, self-conscious of his shorts and sweaty tank top.  
  
He patted over to the door, opening it. His stomach gave a flutter at the sight of Leo, sun-kissed, no matter what time of year it was, and handsome, his dark eyes serious, searching.  
  
“Let me in?”  
  
Phichit nodded, and turned on the light. He was both relieved and disappointed that Guang wasn't with him. He didn't think he could have faced the two of them.  
  
And if Ji was angry with him – that was another matter entirely. It didn't happen often, but when Ji was angry, he was – hard. All steel beneath the sweetness.  
  
Leo walked past him into the room, and Phichit closed the door, leaning against it, watching as Leo slumped down on the bed.  
  
“Did I wake you?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“So?” Leo asked, watching him.  
  
“So?” Phichit echoed softly.  
  
“Come on. Yesterday Yuuri said you'd talk to us, but you still haven't. Are you angry with me?”  
  
“I'm not angry with you, why should I be?”  
  
“Because I've been monopolizing Ji's time?” Leo's eyebrows were drawn together, though he didn't look angry, just puzzled.  
  
“That's not it.”  
  
Phichit let himself slide down until he sat on the floor, knees drawn up to his chest.  
  
“But there is an 'it'?”  
  
Phichit was silent for a long time, and eventually Leo got up and knelt down next to him.  
  
“Ji Ji misses you, and so do I. Do you really not want anything to do with us anymore?”  
  
“I miss you, too, but I can't... I can't just tag along with you and pretend I'm fine. I'm not that strong.”  
  
“Phichit, are you in love with Guang?”  
  
He closed his eyes. What could he say? Was he? Yes. But that wasn't the whole truth.  
  
“Not just him, Leo. Both of you, I think. I mean, look at you both. I just – I can't do this right now, please just leave me alone.”  
  
“Oh Phichit.”  
  
“Don't.”  
  
Leo sighed.  
  
“Alight, I'll leave you. Can I talk to him about this?”  
  
“Sure.” Phichit shrugged and moved away from the door, feeling Leo's fingers briefly on his hair, before he left.  
  
His heart was still racing from the touch, long after Leo had left.  
  


* * *

 

“So?” Guang Hong was frowning, arms folded in front of his chest. At the look Leo gave him, he softened a little.  
  
“We were both wrong. But he's definitely not weirded out because we're gay, baby.”  
  
“Then what is it?” He frowned and pulled Leo close him. “You look like you're going to cry. What did he say?”  
  
Leo pulled him down onto the bed with him and buried his face in the crook of Guang Hong's neck.  
  
“Leo?”  
  
He stroked Leo's hair, and Leo sighed.  
  
“He says he can't be around us because he's in love with us. Both of us.”  
  
“He what?” Guang squeaked, sitting up. “Fuck.”  
  
It made Leo laugh, just a little.  
  
“But I never... I didn't even know he liked guys.”  
  
“All the showtunes, though...”  
  
“Leo!” Guang Hong punched his arm, though lightly. “That is such a stupid American stereotype.”  
  
“Sorry.”  
  
“What do we do?” Guang muttered.  
  
“He says he wants to be left alone.” Leo turned onto his back, staring at the ceiling.  
  
“I've never been good at that.”  
  
“Unless you're angry...”  
  
Guang moaned.  
  
“I feel horrible about being so cold to him.”  
  
“Hmmm...” Leo just pulled him close again, locking their fingers.  
  
“Can you imagine it though?” Guang asked after a long silent spell.  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“Being with Phichit?”  
  
Leo didn't reply for a while, face hot.  
  
“Is that a trick question? To test me?”  
  
His boyfriend snorted.  
  
“I'm not an ass. Be serious.”  
  
Leo closed his eyes, thought of dark eyes, easy smiles, silly jokes. The way Phichit had looked just now.  
  
“Maybe?”  
  
“In bed with us?”  
  
“Christ, Ji Ji...”  
  
“I'm still serious.” Guang Hong pushed himself up and looked down at him.  
  
“It wouldn't just be in bed with us, though,” Leo muttered. “Three people in a long distance relationship? Would it be alright if it were just the two of you at times? Just him and me, you and me? We could ruin everything, secretly jealous, possessive, hurt, I don't know...”  
  
“We'd have to talk a lot.”  
  
Leo frowned up at him.  
  
“Can you do that? Don't get me wrong, but you have a tendency to withdraw and pout, and Phichit seems to prefer bottling up his feelings, too.”  
  
“I know,” Guang muttered, sounding contrite. “But we can work on that. Communication skills and all that.”  
  
“So you want this? A poly relationship?”  
  
“I...” Guang faltered.  
  
“Don't just rush into something because you feel guilty, Xiao Ji.”  
  
Guang Hong was silent for a while.  
  
“I want to think about this,” he said eventually. “But only if it's something you want as well. If it isn't, tell me, and that'll be fine. Though I miss Phichit, but I'll tell him I'm sorry and not mad and give him all the space he needs, and maybe he'll get over it.”  
  
He swallowed, and Leo kissed his brow.  
  
“I want some time, too, baby. But you know – it's okay to be sad, too.”  
  
“Doesn't feel okay,” Guang sighed, snuggling up to him.

* * *

 

<Sorry I was mad. Really sorry.>

 

Phichit stared at the message, the sad emoji, blushing emoji, followed by a bear and a hamster, and buried his face in his hands.  
  


<its fine> he typed back, eventually.  
  


<I know it's not. Sorry. Good luck tomorrow.>

  
<u too>

 

* * *

 

 

The message had Phichit's stomach in knots. The last weeks he'd gone mostly radio-silent, and the other two had respected his request to be left alone. It had been lonely, though. A lot less fun.

  
<We need to talk to you at worlds, Leo and I. Please.>

  
  
Part of him wanted to stay away from them, but a much more vocal part insisted on finally seeing them again, no matter how bad the pain.  
  
Helsinki was cold – he'd already spent a lot of time in Bangkok after living in Detroit, and the climate had already spoiled him again.  
  
He'd rather have met somewhere public, but Ji had insisted he visit them in Leo's hotelroom.  
  
They hadn't changed, of course they hadn't, it had only been a few weeks since the 4C, but when he saw them again after avoiding both for so long, the sight made his heart race. Both beautiful, both looking anxious, and he felt incredibly fond, and a little like crying.  
  
“Hey.”  
  
“Phichit.”  
  
They were both sitting on the bed, but with a little distance between, as if conscious of the pain it caused him to watch them together.  
  
They were, probably.  
  
Leo was sitting cross-legged on the middle of the bed, while Guang sat on its front end, legs neatly placed on the floor.  
  
“Will you sit down?” Guang asked, eyes fixed on him.  
  
Phichit just nodded, sinking onto the floor in front of the bed, where a fluffy area rug kept him from freezing his butt off.  
  
“Thanks for being here,” Leo said, leaning forward, his eyes searching, for what Phichit couldn't say.  
  
“So?” Phichit asked, confused by just how solemn and nervous they both were.  
  
“We've been talking and thinking things over, and...” Ji's eyes flickered back to Leo, who gave him a small smile and nod.  
  
“Will you be our boyfriend?” Guang asked quickly, blushing like a sunset.  
  
Phichit's brain didn't process the words properly for at least a minute, staring in silence from one to the other, mouth slightly open.  
  
He wasn't sure his heart was beating at all.  
  
“What?” he squeaked, eventually.  
  
“Do you want to be part of this relationship?” Leo asked. “Neither of us has ever done this before, but we talked it through, we've spent some time mulling things over, and we're positive we can make this work, if you want, as long as everyone is honest about their feelings.”  
  
“Oh.” It was all Phichit managed to say.  
  
“You don't have to decide right now! It's a lot to spring on someone at once.”  
  
“No kidding.”  
  
“We could have asked you in text, but that felt too impersonal. We thought face to face would be better.” Leo frowned. “But it looks like we overwhelmed you.”  
  
Phichit gave a shaky laugh.  
  
“Kinda. I... So what would it entail? How would we do this?”  
  
_We_. He felt giddy just saying it, considering this _we_.  
  
“Well, actually getting together all three of us will be rare. But there's facetime and messaging, and getting together in pairs would be fine with either of us, if you're cool with it,” Leo said.  
  
“Long distance sucks, but we all know that, don't we? We'll just make the best what little time we have,” Guang muttered.  
  
Phichit frowned.  
  
“And you're sure?”  
  
“I am,” Guang said earnestly.  
  
“Positive,” Leo replied.  
  
Phichit took a deep breath.  
  
“I don't think I need more time to think about this. Yes. I want this very much.” He felt himself tear up and the next moment Ji had slid off the bed and wrapped his arms around him.  
  
Leo sat down beside them, rubbing Phichit's back.  
  
“I missed you, I just couldn't...”  
  
“It's okay.” Guang stroked his hair, kissed his cheek, and Phichit felt elated at the warm, precious weight in his arms. He reached out his hand, blindly, and after a moment felt Leo take it. Phichit pulled him close as well, and Leo leant against him, one arm still stroking Phichit's back, the other in Ji's hair.

  
“So, uhm...” Guang lifted his head, watching Phichit closely. “Do you think it's too fast if I asked to kiss you?”  
  
“Shia,” Phichit whispered, eyes darting to Leo, who was smiling slightly. “No. Not too fast, not at all. I'd like that.”  
  
The smile his _boyfriend_ gave him made Phichit grin back automatically.  
  
Guang closed the distance between them, lips pressing against lips, warm and soft and gentle, chaste enough until Guang's tongue licked once along Phichit's lower lip, before he pulled back, looking satisfied and a little wicked.  
  
Phichit let out a sigh, before turning to Leo, who looked slightly flushed.  
  
“Can I kiss you too?” Phichit asked, and Leo just pulled him close, lips a little rougher, teeth nipping at his lower lip, tongue licking into Phichit's mouth.  
  
“Damn, you're hot.” They broke apart at Guang's breathless whisper, looking sheepishly at the wide eyed Chinese boy.  
  
“Come here, you.” Leo kissed him and Phichit was astonished to find he wasn't the slightest bit put off, that everything had changed so utterly and totally in so little time.  
  
They were hot and sweet and _his_.  
  
They wanted him.  
  
He felt like crying again.  
  
“You're so beautiful and I'm so incredibly lucky.”  
  
Guang beamed, and Leo looked proudly at the two of them.  
  
“So – should we have a dinner date now? Find out what's hot in Helsinki?”  
  
“Nothing here is hot, it's all pretty cool.”  
  
Guang snorted.  
  
“Bad pun, Phichit.”  
  
“I mean it, though. I'm freezing.”  
  
“We'll keep you warm.” Leo winked at him, making Phichit blush. He stole a quick kiss, first from Leo, then Guang.  
  
“Alright, let's go take selfies all over town!”  
  
“And find food,” Guang added.  
  
“That, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Let's just say I chose the locations for the 4C and worlds randomly and it only so happens that worlds 2017 is actually taking place in Helsinki. 
> 
> Shia = damn


End file.
